You're proportions better and the rougher, paint-like strokes lend such a movement and life to the people! I especially love the soft expression in his eyes and the actual happiness in their faces (too many people portray their characters with a mannequin like subtlety that is almost lifeless). My only suggestion is that you keep the strokes, especially on the smooth skin such as the girl's stomach, consistently round and circular instead of the added texture that is created by the lines and cross hatching. It works very well, however, on the rough fabric of their clothes!
Thank you so much for taking the time to write such a detailed comment/critique. I'm probably one of those people who portray characters with a mannequin like subtlety though, haha. I agree about the stomach - I wasn't very happy with what I did on it so I just ended up just scribbling on it. I'll take your suggestions into account in the future!
SADKJHAJSKDHJKASHDJKASHDJAS ;q;//// thank you again!! I feel so honored to receive this beautiful art aaaaaaaa I like the atmosphere and color scheme their expressions even askdjhajsdksd//// they both look so happy awawawaa all of my feelssssssssss you drew them so precious <33 my words can't describe how awesome is this